Doofensmirtz lays an egg
by Mamandada
Summary: Doofensmirtz x Perry. Sprinkled with monotreme jokes.


Doofensmirtz sat in his lab. He looked around, eyeing his vast quantities of eggs. They were mostly chicken eggs, of course, since they were most readily available. But there was also a sprinkling of robin's eggs, a smatter of ostrich eggs, and a few dozen Easter eggs.

"This is sure to get his attention," Doofensmirtz muttered in his characteristic German accent. "I mean, it's not like he's a eutherian! Surely, he'll realize that I can raise eggs just like the best of platysus girls."

He walked over to a nearby egg and touched it gently with his palm. "I wonder if this is the best temperature for incubation. I don't want to cook them. That'll give the wrong impression."

Doofensmirtz checked the time of the clock again. The last time he looked at it, the second hand was on the four; now it was on the six. "That did not kill time nearly as much as I expected it to. Hmm…" Doofensmirtz rubbed his chin. "It looks like I have to be evil to get him to arrive. What can I do that's evil with eggs? Why am I talking to myself so much? I'm totally fulfilling the role of a mad scientist. Maybe I should lose the jacket." Doofensmirtz stripped himself of the lab coat, revealing another shirt with a pocket protector.

Doofensmirtz walked over to one of his machines. They were all labeled, and some were obviously dismantled thanks to Perry's handiwork. He paused hesitantly in front of a machine that read "auto-evil-inator." "Well, let's go with this if I can't find something more symbolic." Doofensmirtz continued to the next machine. "A speed gun?"

"I've got it!" Doofensmirtz turned his speed gun to rapid, and aimed it at some of the eggs. He then pulled the trigger. Dozens and dozens of chickens erupted out of the eggs and grew quickly before his eyes. Even a kiwi got thrown into the mix.

"Oh, wait. I need pigeon eggs. People like chickens," Doofensmirtz said, as he opened the door to let the chickens and kiwi out of his place.

Perry the platypus was having a lazy day. Phineus and Ferb were finally back in school, and thus, their adventures had ceased. Though they weren't watching him, Perry wasn't being his alter secret agent self. His nemesis had been quiet lately, and Perry had even heard the major whisper to his assistant of the possibility of Perry being transferred to a new arch-nemesis. One who was more active.

Perry knew he had to report for duty anyway. He slid down his tunnels and equipped his hat only when he was in front of the monitor.

The major appeared not a moment later. "Agent P! Good to see you! We have news in regards to Doofensmirtz. It turns out he's been buying large quantities of eggs. We're not sure why. We suspect it may be to make the world's biggest omelet. Frankly, we're stumped on that aspect. However, he's also been releasing species that are not endemic into the environment."

Perry cocked his head.

"Errr… You're an exception. Anyway, we need you to stop him before he disrupts the delicate ecosystem around here. Major out."

Perry was eager to get back to work. His blood was boiling. He wouldn't dare. Not an echidna!

Doofensmirtz was online, looking for places to order pigeon eggs from. It would take longer than he wanted to build a machine to generate the ability to extract pigeon eggs from their nests. Instead, he had found himself on the youtube, watching videos of pigeons laying eggs.

"Wow. This is not as interesting as I expected it to be."

It was at that moment that Perry the platypus came crashing through the window. Glass splattered all over the place, and Doofensmirtz stood up in alarm. He quickly alt-f4'd it. He didn't want Perry to think that he was into anything weird.

"Did you have to break the window? Those cost a lot to replace. Sure it creates a great entrance, but still! You could have hurt yourself."

Perry quickly assessed the room, his head spinning in every direction he could think of, making sure that there weren't any echidnas in sight. He saw the massive amounts of eggs and let out a confused chatter.

"Oh, yes, I'm sure you're wondering. I've amassed a collection of eggs so that I can impress you with my abilities as a mother," Doofensmirtz said. He walked over to the egg that he had checked earlier. "See? Incubating perfectly," he then tapped it, and the shell broke, revealing a completely cooked egg on the inside.

Perry shook his head, took a different egg from the pile, removed his hat, and curled up on it. He put his hat back on, and he handed it to Doofensmirtz gently.

Doofensmirtz's eyes started to water. "This is all I wanted," he said. He laid down on the floor and started to curl up in an identical way to Perry. Perry chattered, then laid down next to him. They stayed like that for a long time. Then, Perry made a sudden movement that alarmed Doofensmirtz until he saw what Perry was doing.

"You wear dentures?!"


End file.
